Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
