did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
