I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
