I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
