Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
