Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im six kinds of drunk right now
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
