Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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