Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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