***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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