p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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