I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
