and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
