i don't like sucking hair
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
