I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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