I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
