remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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