So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
