I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
