Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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