When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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