I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
