Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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