no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
