i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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