some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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