Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
