Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
