Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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