he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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