I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
