you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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