So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
