someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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