the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
