Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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