The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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