That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
