Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
sarcasm needs its own font
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
