He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
NoShamevember. You game?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
