I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
