So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You are a genius and a whore.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
