I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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