my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
