She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
