I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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