I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
