that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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