I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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