the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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