Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
