how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Houston, we have a squirter
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
