Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
