I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
