I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
