Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
